Before you Start
Pro Tips for Child Safety on Zoom:
Here are some of the best ways to ensure that you’re keeping online spaces safe for the third culture kids you’re working with.
Make sure parents are in the room and know that they are responsible for their children’s safety during any conference calling!
Always have more than one trusted adult or vetted volunteers on calls.
Make sure that you follow local and federal laws about reporting any abuse and neglect, as well as collecting and storing information.
Use password-protected virtual meeting rooms.
Moderate online chat rooms to keep an eye out for concerns and inappropriate material.
Pro tips for zoom debreifs:
If under 10 TCKs are attending the workshop have everyone answer out loud, muting and unmuting their mics as needed.
If over 10 TCK are in attendance have 3 of them answer out loud and encourage others to answer in the chat to build relationship but not take overly long.
Make sure your co-leader/s is/are actively participating and not just asking questions but also answering for themselves as an example and as a way to build trust and rapport with TCKs.
You can use you computer OR phone to play music for a welcome time and to set the tone during activities. When playing music, follow this Zoom guide to change your settings and allow for background music to come through.
Unsaid Goodbyes WOrkshop Outline
0:00 - Step 1: Start with something easy/silly/goofy/icebreaker to fill the space as people sign on and create a natural starting point. Suggestions include:
Dance Party! Here’s a playlist for you!
Disney sing along. This is one of our favorite karaoke videos.
Trivia! Use Kahoot or create your own fun trivia game!
Scavenger Hunt. Here’s a suggested list!
0:03 - Step 2: Ask some get to know you questions to start building trust and get vulnerable in easy ways.
Name, location, age, class, etc.
+1 awkward question!
What is your pet peeve?
What is driving you crazy right now?
What is your grossest habit?
What is something no one else knows about you?
Would you rather….?
Always be sleepy or always hungry?
Hug a porcupine or an octopus?
Be able to freeze time or go back in time?
Smell like a skunk or oink like a pig?
Have giant ears or giant feet?
0:10 - Step 3: Start the big questions. (Choose one and follow the same Pro Tips as above, making sure the verbal answers come from TCKs who haven’t spoken yet.)
What is your “unsaid goodbye story”?
What made you want to join this workshop?
How would you define an “incomplete goodbye”?
What’s your personal goodbye ritual? What is important to you?
0:20 - Share some basics around grief cycles/accumulated or disenfranchised grief.
The resources below are a great place to start if you’re not familiar with the basics.
Share some memes!
The Unlocking Us by Brene Brown, episode with David Kessler
Pondering Purple by Michele Phoenix, episode on living in a season of grief.
Michele Phoenix article by the same title
Dare to Lead by Brene Brown, specifically the chapter on Empathy (pgs. 136-157)
This article about why we’re feeling the way we're feeling right now, the concept of accumulated and anticipatory grief will be very familiar to TCKs and TCK caregivers!
“When the Lights Go Out and Jesus Isn’t Enough,” a beautiful and powerful essay by Marilyn Gardner about being “Jesus with skin on.”
0:25 - Explain the first activity:
Let Grief Breath
Timing: 6 minutes
Song Suggestion: Coaster by Khalid, Breathe Me by Sia
Instructions:
Grab a blank piece of paper and your markers
Write “TODAY” on the right edge
Write your quarantine / social distancing / school closure date on the left edge
Connect the 2 dates with a squiggly line that signifies the ups and downs of the last month or so
Label the highs and lows with words or pictures that represent events or emotions that you experienced in those moments
0:27 - Play lyrical or instrumental music in the background. Here is a playlist we’ve created for you! Don’t forget the pro tip at the top for reducing background noise.
0:33 - Wrap up first activity. Turn down the music to cue. Have TCKs hold up their timelines to show one another. (Sharing and discussion are the teacher's choice. We found just showing the page was enough recognition, especially in a larger group.)
0:34 - Explain the second activity:
Post It Memorial
Timing: 10 minutes
Song Suggestion: The Living Sculptures of Pemberley from “Pride and Prejudice, Morning Sun by Irma Kantola, Fragment by Ever So Blue, Desalniettemin by Mavis Marchena
Instructions:
Take a stack of Post It notes or index cards.
Write down a regret or unsaid goodbye on each one.
Hold up the note and say out loud: “I didn’t get to say goodbye to….”
Place the Post It on the corner of your computer screen or on the desk next to you, to create a memorial to these goodbyes.
Repeat until you’ve listed all your unsaid goodbyes.
Optional: share some unsaid goodbyes with family or friends or even on Instagram.
0:37 - Play lyrical or instrumental music in the background (at a lower level than before). Instruct your TCKs to turn their mics from OFF to ON for this activity.
0:47 - Explain the third activity:
Practice Gratitude
Timing: 3-8 minutes
Song Suggestion: Rise Up by Andra Day, Thankful by Mary Mary
Instructions:
Use the provided journal page to process where you're at today and practice gratitude.
Follow the prompts to fill in the blanks.
Share 1 (or 3!) thing/s you’re thankful for with the group
Optional: encourage your TCKs to use these journaling pages and gratitude practice on their own or with their family daily.
0:50 - Play an uplifting or celebration song. Let your TCKs use this time to fill out the journal page.
0:53 - Ask your TCKs to share one thing they’re grateful for.
0:58 - Honor what you all have shared in this hour, say thank you to each other and end with another dance party, singalong or all just turning mics ON and yelling hi’s and byes. :)
Optional “homework” to explain and encourage TCKs to do on their own time
Personal Lament.
Instructions:
Choose lyrics from a song or a line of poetry that is significant to you.
Write the words of the verse down the left side of the page, one word on each line.
Then start at the top on the right and write down every synonym or similar phrase you can think of that goes along with each word. (Ex: God - dad, abba, holy spirit, jesus, great power in the sky, protector, mother, a mystery, my best friend, etc).
When you have listed synonyms for each of the words in the verse read back and circle one word or phrase on each line that stands out to you the most.
On the second page rewrite the verse in your own words, creating a reminder that you can come back to in the hard days.
